This is one of those passages we may need to read several times. After sharing all the wisdom Paul thought the Corinthians needed, Paul now pivots and seems to be answering what was really on people’s minds. They wanted clarity on sex, and Paul points toward marriage and relationships. We should want to know the holy plan for relationships, too, even if it’s hard to hear.
If you’re in a happy marriage, Paul’s words sting a little less. The part about fulfilling each other’s sexual needs should be a no-brainer. When you love your spouse, you want nothing more than to please them and bring them joy. God knew that the beauty of sharing our bodies during sex would be a special bond for a couple. As believers, we appreciate sex as a gift from God. Too many times, selfishness gets in the way of being able to fulfill these needs. Paul wanted to take that excuse off the table.
Paul speaks on sex, not having a wife of his own. It would seem he thinks it would be best if everyone remained unmarried. If you don’t marry, then you’re not having sex, and there is no issue of how often you share your body. Paul recognizes that not everyone will have the same gift of self-control as he did. So rather than speaking from experience, Paul speaks from the heart of God. Yet Paul is careful to clarify this is not a “command.”
When it comes to marriage itself, Paul does share a command from God. “But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord.” The gospels are clear on the issue of divorce, as my Bible footnotes suggest. Paul simplifies and says a husband or wife “must not” leave the other, and if they do, they must remain single.
Many people, like me, struggle with these teachings because we previously ended a marriage with divorce. There was clearly some “leaving” going on. Certainly, God’s perfect plan would be that we had chosen better spouses in the first place and not bonded in matrimony with the wrong person. I don’t think anyone goes into a marriage thinking about divorce; those things just happen when the honeymoon phase is over. It’s usually when the evil one has crept into a marriage and spoiled it with lies, deception, and sexual sin.
What if you’re a believer stuck in a marriage with a non-believer? That must have been a question given to Paul. While God’s command was not to leave, Paul answers this situation directly, but not as a command. Paul says if believers stay with their non-believer spouse, the believer will still bring holiness to the marriage.
God will be present even if only one spouse believes. It’s possible our non-believing spouses may see the truth through us, accept Jesus, and be saved. Paul also says that if the non-believing spouse wants to leave, let them. “In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” Paul’s words can really bring comfort, especially in cases of abuse.
I struggled a bit with verse 17, too. “Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches.” What is Paul trying to say to these believers in Corinth? What question was he trying to clear up? I think Paul wanted the people to leave their excuses behind and serve God as he called them, despite their life circumstances. We can praise God in the storms of our lives and when it’s smooth sailing.
Did Paul’s comments on sex affirm or confuse any issues you may be facing? Do you see the grand picture God has for you and your relationships? If married, does it spark a new flame in your relationship to show your love to your spouse as suggested? Perhaps it affirms that you want to remain single and focus on your relationship with Jesus. Be sure to thank God for how he speaks to you through His Word.
Let’s pray. Father, you know my heart, and you know my devotion to you. Forgive me for mistakes I have made in my life. Thank you for redeeming me from bad choices and bringing me to this place. Continue to reveal to me the wisdom you share in your Word. Help me to understand and apply to my life choices. I want to please and honor you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
